Whiplash

I use a calendar to remind me where we are in the chemo schedule.  Forget days of the week or even what month we are in. How I'm keeping track is by rounds of chemotherapy. We are halfway inbetween rounds. Two behind us. Eight days ago. In eight days we start the third of four rounds.

Here is where I get caught off guard. Once in a while I look at the REAL calendar. Hodge had his first home lacrosse game last Saturday. I so enjoyed watching him and his team run up and down the field on a gloriously cool and sunny Saturday.  And in 14 days he celebrates his 17th birthday. March 16, 2009, the cutest baby you’ve ever seen joined our family. The day before St. Patrick's my baby boy will be the age I remember as my favorite teenage year.    

But we are behind on our Young Men's Service League hours.  This is a true four year community service commitment Strother and I completed that I'm adamant Hodge and I can too.  But when? How? 

On the good days.  That's when.  And Hodge feels the commitment too.  That's how.  He managed to get us signed up for Bingo this last Sunday at a local nursing home to push us along towards our goal. And it was special to get TIME with this sweet young man. His reaction towards these quiet men and women in the final chapters of their lives was so kind, so helpful, so calming. He is truly living in the middle of a storm. My solid and stoic Hodge. Hitting the sweetest age. I hope. I see him play with his team. I see him work hard at school. I worry about him because I don’t know how a little brother feels when his big brother’s world is like this.

My last entry talked about how good the days felt with Strother home. How wonderful it is to see friends and family when they visit. Strother and Hodge have been living week on week off between my house and Darin's since they were little guys. That's our norm and it works beautifully. But I haven't had both my guys in my house since Strother moved to the dorms at TCU. Yesterday, they both came to my home and I loved every 20 hours of it. Stro even managed to enjoy sitting outside for some sunshine on his beautiful head.

Since my last entry we've also been to the emergency room, twice. The first for a GI issue that is a mind boggling challenge for a young adult with a spinal cord injury and a germ cell tumor weighing on his lungs.

The second visit was this evening with a 102.8(!) fever -- way higher than our protocol for rushing to the ER.  It just came on that quickly. After blood tests, IV fluids, antibiotics, and some tylenol, Strother is comfortable now.  Returning a million text messages. Finding a new series he can watch (I think watching Breaking Bad for the third time just sounds like he really needs to branch out). His demeanor turned around after much needed interventions. And he ate a giant meal which is the best clue for this mama that he is, in fact, doing just fine. And I thank you friends who continue to feed us and send precious gift cards for meal deliveries. 

He’s also developing a stronger, more certain voice to self advocate — no, he would NOT like someone to give him breathing treatments at 11:00pm, thank you very much. 

LIfe sometimes feels like a pendulum swinging back and forth into and out of reality.  Sometimes it feels like a smack in the face. 

Yes our learning curve is steep.  Yes we are still discovering the best ways to take care of Strother and Hodge and our family.  Yes we know that a great day can change in mere moments. Yes please keep showing up in the ways you have been. Yes we will beat this.